#MASTER OF MY DOMAIN SEINFELD QUOTES MOVIE#
#MASTER OF MY DOMAIN SEINFELD QUOTES TV#

My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. (George Costanza) 'It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong.(Cosmo Kramer) 'Somewhere in this hospital, the anguished squeal of Pigman cries out.'.(Jerry) 'I never had a really good pickle.'.You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I went from having orgasms immediately, to taking forever. (George Costanza) 'I'm 33 years old I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm already facing the problems of old age.(Cosmo Kramer) '- that ball goes sailing up into the sky, holds there for a moment, and then - glugh.'.Three buddies sitting around chewing gum.' (Cosmo Kramer) 'See, this is what the holidays are all about.Tell them thank you for coming to my birthday party.' They bring 'em in, they sit 'em down, and they tell you 'these are your friends.

What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it - you don't even know why you're doing it. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You know, you just kinda sit there - you're the least excited person at the party. (Jerry) 'To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar.And believe me, I'm under just as much pressure. Well, I'm a comedian in the United States. What if I was the President of the United States? I'm sure you'd investigate. (Jerry) 'But officer, he threatened me.(Jerry) 'Then she'll need a little shot of penicillin.'.She's a schoolgirl, there was a boy, it didn't work out. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship. (Jerry) 'This woman's completely ignoring me.'.(Cosmo Kramer) 'Well, why go to a fine restaurant, when you can just stick something in the microwave? Why go to the park and fly a kite, when you can just pop a pill?'.

#MASTER OF MY DOMAIN SEINFELD QUOTES MOVIE#

(George Costanza) 'Why would I spend seven dollars to see a movie that I could watch on TV?'.(Elaine) 'If I were saying something, I would have said it.'.(Jerry) 'Well you're not saying nothing so you must me saying something.'.(George Costanza) 'Yes, I hope my parents die long before I do.'.Ross) 'I don't think there's any greater tragedy than when parents outlive their children.' (Elaine) 'Jerry, I've been trying to leave this group for 10 years.(Jerry) 'You can't just leave the group.'.I think he regifted, then he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Superbowl sex romp.' (Cosmo Kramer) 'Yeah, your phone is line 1.'.(Elaine) 'Is it possible I'm not as attractive as I think I am?'.(Izzy Mandelbaum Jr.) 'Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum'.(George Costanza) 'I don't even like to use urinals, I've always been a stall man.'.(Jerry) 'Well, that shouldn't be long -'.I can't wait for the next time that somebody heckles me.' You've opened a brand new door for all of us. (Ronnie) 'I gotta tell you, everybody's talking about it.Who are they to heckle us? It's time one of us drew a line in the sand.' (Ronnie) 'I heard you went down to this woman's office and heckled her.'.(Jerry) 'That book has been on a wild ride.(Elaine) 'What? What is wrong with this book?'.(Jerry) 'What is THAT book doing on the table?'.(Jerry) 'You see what's happening here? Your lack of sex is having the opposite effect on you that it is on George.'.(Elaine) 'I stopped having sex three days ago and I don't know no Portuguese.'.(Cosmo Kramer) 'God - it's like a sauna in here.'.(George Costanza) 'Now because of that stupid rye bread I gotta keep them all separated for the rest of my life.'.(Jerry) 'Ah, too bad you've got a little George Costanza thing goin' on.'.(George Costanza) 'She's got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin' on.'.

(Jerry) 'So you want to go out in a final blaze of incompetence?'.

Like remember that summer at Dairy Queen when I cooled my feet in the soft serve?'

(George Costanza) 'But I really want to leave my mark this time.

(Jerry) 'And your teeth - they're all brown.'.

Jerry, my face is my livelihood, my allure - my twinkle.

(Cosmo Kramer) 'Well, emphazema, birth defects, cancer - but not this.

You've experienced a lifetime of smoking in 72 hours.

(George Costanza) 'You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister.'.

#MASTER OF MY DOMAIN SEINFELD QUOTES TV#

Seinfeld is a TV program that debuted in 1991 on NBC.

Master of my domain seinfeld quotes